So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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