lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
