dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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