Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The air taste purple.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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