Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
