So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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