$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In other news, I just burned my penis
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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