ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am available for nakedness
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
