My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
