Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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