Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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