Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
