Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
