Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
