who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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