I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
