apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
