Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
