You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
