It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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