Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
