I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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