quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
