is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
