I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
