yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
