you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
