I have demons in me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
