She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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