I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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