i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
