I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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