If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
