Swine flu. Run for my life!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
