I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
