Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
