so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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