idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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