I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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