he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
