now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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