it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
