yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
