They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
