I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
