So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
