im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
