So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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