Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
