so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm passing your future prison.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
